Secret Number 3ish of a Pilot's Wife: The Candid Pilot on the Almighty Flight Attendant

Secret Number 3ish is about The Almight Flight Attendant.

The flight attendant, also know as airline steward(ess), cabin attendant, cabin crew, hostess, purser, skycap, hostie and pilot-stealing-man-sucking-whore.

Initially I thought about the reasons you dont have to worry about flight attendants. Then I realized that the fact that a large number of them are older, over-anned leathery looking smokers difining the word cougar is besides the point. You can't guarantee what is out there, or what will be thrown at your husband. What you can feel some comfort in is your choice of spouse.

Now, as a pilot's wife here is something you need to know, If you married the right man you do not need to worry about him cheating on you while away.

I asked James to give me a couple of reasons that he himself would be deterred from cheating with a flight attendant or with another woman while away. I asked him to make general statements that would hopefully be true of most pilots/men - not specific to me.

Here is what he sent me:

6 Good Reasons I would Never Cheat on My Wife:

1 – Its expensive – F/A’s that chase pilots are normally only after one thing: a romp. Alimony is not worth a quick romp in a different time zone/zip code.

2 – It destroys trust – You go off to different cities and countries every time you fly, leaving her at home to take care of the house/family/pets/etc, and she trusts you to do your job and keep it in your pants. Is she doing the same while you’re gone? It’s a two-way street…

3 – Sex on/in an airplane is literally dirty – How many asses have passed gas or poured litres of sweat into that seat? Think about it. Come to think about it, 3 B – Sex in hotel rooms is literally dirty as well. Buy a black light and see for yourself. I don’t care if you have a team of maids, you can’t get all the stains…

4 – Keeping track of one family’s needs is hard enough – Really, do we need to start juggling two sets of kids, two sets of hormones, two sets of bills? Think of what happens when you’re gone…what happens to them? Seriously, if you can handle PMS from two different women, two different time zones, and two times a month maybe you should have been a psychiatrist instead. I can barely manage one.

5 – Airplanes are big hermetically-sealed disease transportation devices – And so are you when you start spreading it around.

6 – It takes two to tango – Obviously applies to the act itself, but you have to remember that just because you are coy and secretive about it, doesn’t mean she is. What if she’s wronged later on or she feels the need to seek you out to try it again? Good luck with that one, Chief.

Of course, the main reason I would never cheat on my wife? If she’s my wife, she’s the best woman I could have hoped for, so what the fuck am I cheating for? If you feel the need to cheat, figure out what’s wrong and work on it.

James