History Has a Way of Repeating Itself. So Do I.

So I had a little chat the other day with a Chelle, a girlfriend of mine.

She is dating this great guy, who just happens to be my sister's ex, and first major relationship guy.


Everything is going amazing for her, and I have to say, I secretly miss the days when things were like that with James and I.

New.

I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see an old 'Regal' Buick in dark red. It was the old beater car that James had when we first met. Nothing is like new love – sitting in a car with a crappy heater in the middle of winter until you literally cannot feel your face, just to wait for that first kiss.

No. Nothing is more romantic than new love, or frostbite.

It was where we both fidgeted for hours, parked late into the night anxiously getting the nerve up to kiss. It was where we sat on our first actual date, him driving exactly the speed limit so he could hold my hand just a little longer on the drive home.

It was where I sat, pregnant with our first baby, puking my guts up into some 'airsickness' sacks he stole from work because my morning sickness was so unbearable that I puked everywhere we went.

It was the car he drove when I had my first accident, I actually rear ended him. That land yacht was just fine and my little neon was crumpled like a pop can.

He picked me up from work with it, took me to the doctors with it, rescued me from crazy family functions in it and sat holding hands and watching airplanes in it.


Some of our best memories were in that car.


The car, that seems to have taken so much of our happiness along with it to the scrap yard.

So, there are two things I never would have liked to see go.

I wonder if we will ever again feel that rush of excitement. It is what we are working towards but I feel so far and lost from place I don’t even know the direction to start in.


Chelle and I discussed the new relationship she was building with her new man, and the hurtles that they are going through because of all the damage my sister has done to him emotionally. (Her words, not mine - God knows I don’t need those words haunting me should my sister ever stumble upon them). All in all, I am happy to know that she is happy.


Sometimes I think back and consider all the words and emotions I had with my first boyfriend. There were many. We talked for a few years after we broke up, and I can't say that I have ever gone more than a few days without thinking about him. I will never forget one of the conversations we had during our last break up. It was short and sweet, and went something like this:


Him:"You will never find someone else like me!"

Me: "Well my dear, I do believe that if I wanted someone like you, I would save myself the time, and just stay with you..."


Well....

Today, we could both eat our words.

James is almost the same person in every way... They could be alter-egos, and I wasted so much time, dating several other men, only to find the same make and model of PC (personal companion) I had the first time. The new one is just taller, and has dents in different spots. The perks of not being a teenager are that I can play with the new one without having my parents "monitor my usage" or prevent me from visiting certain "sites" – but since I've had a few years, its older and only seems to handle being played with a few times a week before it ‘crashes’... If I am lucky... And it usually crashed before I have finished what I wanted to do... Go figure.

I wish that it was acceptable to go to a café and play with a different make and model once in a while, but then I realize it would just be different, not better. Different glitches, different command prompts and different parts.


This one is mine, and even if it’s not as exciting as when it was new I still like it.