I could tell you that I am a happy aviation wife. I could tell you all the ways in which James and I are happy and without our problems.
But seriously who fucking cares? The truth is, we are all human and all have our issues.
My relationship is like a refrigerator. There is always that one skunky thing in the back of the fridge we both know is there but don't want to acknowledge - in the hopes that it will just go away or the other person will clean it up first. If you tell me your marriage doesn’t have its own fuzzy-brown veggie in need of clean up - well great for you…but I would suspect it’s because your refrigerator is either empty or you just aren’t looking into it often enough to notice.
Here are some of my 'perfect aviation wife' truths...
1. I am jealous of what he calls “work”. His work in my eyes – fulfilling his dreams. My work in my eyes – Cleaning the porcelain throne he sits on when he is not out fulfilling his "work".
2. I sneak-a-peek at his blackberry once in a while. In fact I answer it too once in a while. "No dear, I swear, I thought you were in the washroom when it rang, but since you aren’t crew-sked wants to talk to you."
3. There are times where I wish he was home and find as soon as he is I wish he wasn’t. Why? I wouldn’t have to ask him how long he will be in the bathroom for while explaining that not all bladders are made in 'high capacity volumes". I wouldn't have to watch hockey or TSN ever, listen to the shitty looping background music of his newest video game obsession or be finding stinky socks in weird places.
4. I still have dreams of weird scenarios where I either catch him cheating or where he is outright telling me he is cheating.
5. I still wake up pissed with him regardless of how irrational it may be after “Dream James” told "dream me" that I am married to a cheating asshole.
6. "Dream James" is the only one who gets a pass on this behaviour and this is because there are days "dream James" and I spend more ‘quality’ time together than I can hope to with "awake James"…… and to be frank, there are weeks where the sex is better with him too might I add. 'D.J' you bad thing you!
7. Even when I want him gone (as I mentioned above), I just miss him again as soon as he is gone. Maybe this is a 'grass is always greener' complex. Who am I kidding I live in Canada, 5 months of the year, I would be happy to see grass no matter the colour.
8. I hate the smell of 'airplane' on him when he gets home. I would think any aviation wife knows this smell. It’s a combination of metal, stale air and lucky-bastard-who-got-to-eat-hotel-buffet-today-and-not-have-to-break-mid-meal-to-change-a-poopy-bum. (Maybe I am more familiar with it from my days working in the airlines?)
9. I swore from what I saw in aviation when I worked in it, that I would never be with a pilot. Who needs a life of paranoia?
10. After writing number 9, I have learned I don't have a problem with the colour of grass I have a problem called masochism. Okay don't wig out, I am just kidding. Not all pilots are shitheads walking around with 'angle on the dangle' pointed at the first over tanned soon to be a prune FA and not all flight attendants are trying to stuff their double lattes in every pilots face.
12. I must say, when he comes home in excited to see me, it’s like sex, the time is either good or it’s great.
13. When he comes home in a bad mood, it is like a trip to the Gyno, you may get through it without pain but it’s never lovely.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
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I can check about 10 or so of those off too! LOL
ReplyDeleteAh, the disgusting airplane smell... It has it's varying degrees of odor... I get the "I've been flying my POS all day and the oil sprayed in my face while I was lubricating cables and I found a small fuel leak in the plane which explains your headaches when we fly" and then the "oh, yeah, I degreased the belly while I was at it." Ah - The joys of aircraft ownership. I think it's "dirty" airplane smell as opposed to "clean airplane smell". But, as I've never been in a relationship with a pilot who didn't fly workhorses, single engine, single pilot, I can't say as I can comment on your particular smell of airplane. My man is usually relegated to the shower as soon as he steps in the door.
ReplyDeleteHey, nothing wrong with a man who uses his hands - especially if he knows what he is doing ;)
ReplyDeleteI can check many of those off, too.
ReplyDeleteMy first husband (not a pilot) cheated on me. You'd think I'd be once-bitten, twice-shy. I know there are skanks (male and female) that hit on him; he tells me some interesting stories.
All-in-all, I'm the "other woman," his first love being flying since he was 16.
Having just stumbled upon your blog and not knowing what might resonate with me, I can say this entire post rang bells in my head. From the "bad airplane smell" to having promised myself during my own career in the industry that I'd NEVER date much less marry an airline pilot. Did I mention I'm the wife of an airline pilot?
ReplyDeleteYour blog is a delight, and I'll be checking in often and I'm betting I'll have even more bell ringing episodes.