The "Why" Factor... A Woman's Concept of a Breif Explanation

So when I was school... (as I say this I have an image of my granny waggling a finger and saying something to the effect of "when I was a young'n") ... my teachers all used to talk about the importance of the 5 W's in writing...

Well for those of you just joining the show, here are some of the 'dubyews'. (Not that you have missed much, I have just begun.)

Who: Me. The most important fucking person in my world. Not because I am an egocentric bitch... (okay wait, I am a little of that sometimes, and frankly us pilot wives could use a little more 'egocentric bitch' days), but because (and remember this ladies), if there wasn't a me, then there wouldn't be any of the oh-so-exciting things that happen between me and the people around me. Stick that in your glass and drink it.

What: My life. My perfect and exciting, aviation benefitted life. (If any of you aviation wives have this life, please, take a photograph and mail it to the Guinness books because you just set a record). No. seriously... My boring life. My beautifully mundane, absolutely hilarious (because if I didn't laugh I would cry) life. My honest about what I am thinking life. My blunt, un-pretty, raw, inappropriate life.

Where: Now, I wouldn't tell you that, would I. No social deviant gives away their secret lair. I mean, it's no Bat cave, but it is full of mystery. For instance, the curious case of the bunched up man-socks. I pick them up ever night after my husband returns from his flight, yet mysteriously, they appear again after the next flight. I never see the act of materializing, but it happens. I know it does, because there they are.

When: Usually right now, and occasionally, not right now if 'who, what, where and why' happened in the 'not now'. Capiche?

Why: Ah yes, the whole stupid reason I started this 'yatta yatta blah blah'. If you only tuned in for the 'why' factor, well then I guess you are about to get what you have come for!
I have found, that many of my 'pilot wife' friends have said time and time again "Ugh, don't you just hate when everyone assumes that your husband has this secret life when he is away, just because he is a pilot?"

And to that I say. No. Fuck No.

Because it means they are still totally oblivious to the fact that he is a man, who would probably rather sit on the can, wherever his flight has taken him that day, and read ESPN highlights on his blackberry as his feet go numb from the way the toilet seat cuts off his circulation. Oh, and that they are also oblivious to the fact that I am, and always will be 'woman', who is therefore capable of living a far more interesting life from the comfort of my own brain, than he ever will from his porcelain throne.

It's like this:
All women know that there is something comforting about watching a man stand over a campfire grumbling about technique, jabbing it with his big fire poking stick (when we know, dry wood + already burning fire = more fire). Simplicity. Men are in their very nature, simplistic, creatures. Beautiful, predictable, easily contented creatures.

Whatever secret life I lead, will always be way more excited than whatever one he can lead and...

In "female speak" short, that is why.